The Fabula Rasa

Hello Blog,

I have had several dreams but they were personal so I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to post. I have been getting with my PTSD nightmares. I don't remember than as vividly now and most of the time I forget. Jason was probably right that by suppressing my creative side, a side that I used to cope with my issues, was having a negative affect on me. During middle school I used to read, A LOT, and draw. When I arrived at high school, I started drawing, painting, reading even more to cope with the nightmares. I have not done any of that since getting into college. College was all consuming, especially when I was accepted into the nursing program. I find myself wanting to draw, paint, sketch so much more now, like a compulsion. I would love to take art classes again to develop my skills once more not for professional use but to accurately draw what I want to express. I find that the visions that are still left in me when I awaken, I cannot draw adequately. It is very frustrating. Words cannot explain all the vivid colors and details in my mind.

Well on to last night's dreams:

I was Adam Sandler, weird right?  Wearing white loose clothing and brown soft leather moccasins (?)

Scenery:
I was standing on a mid sized, mostly smooth, round rock not to far from the beach. The beach sand was a nice light peach cream but gritty. The water was a mixture of green and blue that turned to white foam as it gently caressed the sand with each ebb and flow. A baby blue sky with a few faint clouds. The wind headed in the direction of the beach. It was the type of wind that pulled at your clothing but isn't uncomfortable.
Three hazy children were by the water playing with the sand. They seem to be between toddler and preschool.  I only know they were white with brown hair, one was a boy and a girl. The third I couldn't get a clear view.

Story:
I had a purpose on that rock. It was to protect those on the beach by scaring off the ... animals. I would wave, yell and stamp on the rock to scare them away. Looking at where the rock meets the water, I can see small green cartoon looking fish trying to climb on my rock. It had those puffy lips in a circle with round eyes staring at me. Eww. One got on and began to crawl towards me, I had to stomp next to it so it would jump back into the water. Next, were the snakes....one snake got on the rock and it scared the pants off me. This snake was multicolored and shiny. The pattern was black, yellow, purple/pink/red color, yellow, black, yellow, purple/pink/red, etc. It's tongue came out as it faced me and it began to coil itself.

The dream transitioned into me running away from the snake. I was running through a white house with hallways and rooms left and right. I went into a room, closed the door, and stared at the bottom. Where there was barely a gap, it got larger, big enough for the snake to slip its head inside. I smacked its head back and it retracted. It tried again and I kicked it. I began to be desperate. If I put my shirt in the gap it can probably push it and pierce it with its sharp teeth. If I used my leather shoes it would cover small but not all the gap, leaving my feet vulnerable. Finally I looked under the door and saw the freaking snake right in the middle close to the door. It was nicely coiled, head resting on its body tucked in, beady black eyes looking at me and its tongue slithered out....

I forgot the rest of the dream on purpose. I chose to forget about it because I get a gut wrenching dread in me just trying to remember. My heart picks up its pace, my joints feel weak....some things are best left alone.